How Cooper and Tina Got Together, or How Blaine Found Out About It
by chemiglee
Summary: Cooper and Tina claim that they're not dating. How did Blaine find out?


**From: Tina (4.35 pm, July 11)**

._.. and I'm gonna take the chocolate sauce and swirl it all around your bellybutton..._

**From: Blaine (4:35 pm, July 11)**

What?

**From: Tina (4:35 pm, July 11)**

_... and then I'm gonna lick the sauce off the spoon and then lick the sauce off your skin and lick down your happy trail..._

**From: Tina (4:36 pm, July 11)**

_... and remember I'm only wearing this..._

bzzzt

"Tina?" Blaine squeaked, and then covered it up hastily with a half-strangled gurgle. He didn't know if he should - or could - laugh, but he definitely knew _one_ thing and it was that he did not want that particular picture of Tina on his phone.

"Blaine?" Her roughened voice went louder and then soft as she moved the phone around her shoulder. Blaine, all of a sudden, didn't want to know _why_ there was rustling, and then he knew why, and it took a _lot_ of willpower to push away those rosily fleshly images out of his brain.

It was like the time he'd walked in on Cooper jacking off to '80s porn ("that era was the height of pansexual cinematography, squirt, it was all just a little rough around the edges, still artistic, bright colors, lots of sun, but more freeform, not so rehearsed. You really got the feeling they were into the sex. None of this glitzy reality TV type stuff") and that had been het porn too and that had doubly squicked him out, all the flashes of fake tanned skin and wobble in places where he _personally_ wouldn't want wobble. And you just got inundated with sympathy because you'd just caught them in the middle of something so private and uncomfortable (for you) and yuck, you just don't want to see them in that way...

"Blaine?" Tina repeated. And, because they knew each other all too well, Blaine heard the horror dawn upon her. Her face would get red as a plum and then she'd curl up in a ball on top of her sheets, face crumpling, hair mussed. Blaine shuddered in unity with her. It was so embarrassing, after all. "Oh, shit. Oh, shit, Blaine, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to - "

"I love you, but you know I'm deleting them, right?"

"Oh, totally, totally," Tina said, in a rush. "I completely understand. That must have been so gross." Her voice lightened. "I'm gonna go put something on."

"_Tina_."

"Sorry!" Tina sighed. "I hate it when I say too much."

"Who were you texting, anyway?" Blaine said, resolute in an attempt to change the subject, steer it away from _that_. "I didn't know you were seeing anyone?"

"Um," Tina said. The silence suddenly got ominous. Blaine had helped Tina get her new phone (and had stopped the clerk from obnoxiously hitting on her) so he'd seen her list of contacts. He ran through the list in his mind, click,click, click, so when she spoke again, she sounded guarded, because she knew full well what he was doing just then. "I wouldn't call it seeing anyone. It's more of a sex thing?"

"I got _that_. Is it someone I know?"

"I can honestly say you know him." She coughed.

And then it all made sense. Horrifying, sinus-clearing, palate-stripping sense.

"_No_." He reared back against the back of the sofa. "_You didn't_."

"Don't be mad, Blaine!" Tina said pleadingly. "I have needs, and Cooper has needs, and..."

"I - I have to walk this off, or eat a pint of ice cream, or something. I just can't with all of this - you and _Cooper_?" His throat got scratchy, and he reached for a glass of water, gulping down half of it in an attempt to settle down, only to break out into a fit of raucous coughing that forced them both to pause.

"It's not dating," Tina said, finally, with a trace of stiffness. "He's a decent listener, when he isn't going on and on about the opus of Jerry Bruckheimer, and he also happens to be very competent in bed."

"_Tina_."

Blaine could hear Tina shrug. She didn't sound sorry, despite her earlier apologies, but he didn't hold it against her; she was a ask-for-forgiveness-later sort of girl. "Cooper and I met the day after I came to LA. He was hanging out at your place while you were all out grocery shopping, so he showed me around all the tourist hotspots, and we hit it off."

Blaine heard what Tina wasn't saying, so he softened. "I see. I understand, really. But he didn't mention meeting you. Or, uh, dating you."

"We didn't want to upset you," she said softly, "And we're not dating. It's just having fun, being friends and stuff."

"Friends who sext?"

"Among other things."

"_Tina_."

"What?" she said defensively. "Are you telling me I can't hang out with him?"

"No. But you'll be careful, won't you?"

"Of course, Blainey Days. He's a nice guy, once you get past all the bluster. He's funny and kind, and his eyes are so blue, like the ocean on a sunny day, and his hugs are so warm..."

Blaine grinned. "Uh huh."

"It's just that, uh, he gets overdramatic over the silliest things and then _I'm_ the calm one in the conversation. You don't know how weird that feels."

A smile quirked at Blaine's mouth. "Sounds like a match made in heaven. When's your next date?"

"For the last time, Blaine Devon Anderson, we are _not_ dating."

"I got it. Not dating. Right."

bzzzt

**From: Cooper** **(5:06 pm, July 11)**

_Good thing I was paying attention 'cause I almost sent you a dick pic._

"I'm going to change my number," Blaine muttered. "Immediately."

**From: Cooper (5:06 pm, July 11)**

_She doesn't know, but I really like her. Don't tell anyone. _

"Oh," she said. "He just told you about us, didn't he?"

Blaine kept his smile well-hidden this time. "You both did."


End file.
